But I made it, I made it though the most terrible time of my life and here I am.
Alive. Breathing. Kicking.
It’s been a year today. Past mistakes don’t feel like a burden anymore. I don’t cry thinking of the memories anymore. My heart doesn’t pain anymore.
I’m happy. I smile. I laugh.
I let go.
May all the darkness in your life be replaced with light and your soul be infused with love and happiness.
A Note to Self, From Self:
It’s 2016 in just another day and I’m writing this to remind you of everything you wanted to do in 2016.
Read this and gather motivation.
Fresh year. Fresh start.
You crave it, you love fresh beginnings. You’ve been eagerly waiting for it since the past few weeks.
Don’t be stuck in the past. Make peace with it. Let bygones be bygones. You made a mistake, or many mistakes.
Forgive yourself, you’re only human. Forget the situation. It’s time to move on.
People who want to be in your life will make an effort. It’s their time to show you they care. You’ve made enough efforts.
Don’t daydream about the future. You’re wasting today for a tomorrow that may not be as you had desired. You’ll only disappoint yourself further.
Love today. Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re alive, TODAY. Be grateful for the present.
Don’t be afraid of being lonely. Embrace solitude.
Silence shouldn’t scare you. If silence makes you seek companionship, talk to God. You’ll feel better. Listen to music, let it soothe you.
Get off social media. Don’t spend countless hours stalking people you know, don’t be curious about strangers. You don’t want to meet another Internet fuck boy, trust me.
Spend time reading and writing and exploring music genres beyond your comfort level.
Cultivate a new hobby. Get Fit. Eat Healthy. Sleep early.
Stop clicking selfies. You don’t validation.
Limit usage of internet. Sit down with a pen and paper and plan your week.
Take yourself out on a date. A coffee shop, fine dining or perhaps, just a movie.
Stop texting, call instead.
Explore. Travel. Be brave. Take risks. Go out on new adventures.
Stop being a people pleaser. Learn to say no without explaining. The ones who understand, won’t demand an explanation.
Save Money. Be kind.
Value the little things. Practice Gratitude. Be thankful for your family. Spend more time with them.
Get a cat. Get a tattoo. Take a long holiday in a foreign destination. You’ve wanted these things since forever. This year, you should.
Don’t be naïve but don’t be afraid to give love a chance. Broken heart will be healed but ‘What ifs’ tend to haunt forever.
Love yourself; don’t be dependent on a man to give you love.
Don’t take people or things for granted. Don’t assume.
Talk it out. Communicate.
Forgive others for being human and making mistakes but don’t make it a habit. Set a limit to how much you can tolerate.
Don’t be impulsive but also don’t plan things down to the T. Let life be unfolded naturally. It will surprise you; maybe you’ll even like the surprise.
Don’t be a gossip. You have better things to do.
Don’t be judgmental, it’s not your job. You’re not God.
Remember the good times from 2015 but don’t dwell on the times you broke down and cried.
Forgive people who hurt you and regret nothing.
Last but not the least, smile often and choose to be happy!
There are two kinds of people.
One, who isolate themselves and completely shut off from the world when they’re feeling down. They don’t want to show their open wounds and tear streaked face to others because they know that people (even the ones to seem to love you and care for you) either wouldn’t be able to understand would judge them or even worse, pour salt on their wounds.
So they wallow in self pity, mind – a chaos, clothes – a mess, with red rimmed eyes, bed the only place of solace and music, the only source of minuscule comfort. They’re the kind who will desperately try to be strong in their moment of weakness.
They are the ones who cared more in a relationship and the ones who hurt more. They are the restless ones, the ones who feel they’re too damaged for love. Their life nothing but a lonely hollow existence, where the nights feel too long and days begin too soon.
I used to be this kind of person.
Then I changed and began to associate myself with people belonging to the second category.
When I was sad, I wanted to be with anyone but myself. I started abhorring my own company.
Even though I knew treacherous thoughts wouldn’t leave their shackles on my mind, I still wanted to lose myself in a room full of familiar faces.
Thus began my transformation.
A person who didn’t mind being on her own for days began changing into a person who constantly wanted human attention and conversation.
I started calling people more often, began mending fences with friends who I had fallen out with, sought mindless, random conversations from strangers on the internet, started reading more relationships quotes on Pinterest (that only depressed me further) and overshared on social media.
Uploading a selfie (and the constant stream of notification when somebody like my picture) was my version of vague human interaction to keep myself occupied.
I wondered if any of this was real or if my heart was really into talking to people. I realized it was just a ploy I had created to keep myself busy for I thought that being busy meant I wouldn’t think about the heart that was still aching and about the person who caused it to ache.
Can a person or a situation change you so much?
Not personal questions, but related to work. He’s an eager learner and believes in knowledge sharing. I found it is such a wonderful way to personal growth.
His annoying ways aside, it’s a habit I want to inculcate. There’s so much we don’t know about, so much to learn, so much to teach, so much to take upstairs to heaven even though out bones will be left to wither in the soils of this earth.
Being curious about new words, new dialects, new terms and new experiences is very healthy.
Curiosity has always been seen as a negative connotation. But not if applied correctly. It’s the perfect way to keep your mind occupied, that’s otherwise too busy overthinking, creating problems that doesn’t exist and indulging in mindless gossip.
Ask about things you don’t know, don’t be shy or feel ignorant. Learn about things you want to know, you’re never too old.
Inspire, be inspired, be good, do good.
Life’s too short for anything else.
You’re not a kind of girl who settles. Don’t ever settle. The right kind of man is worth waiting for.
Take a lover who looks at you like you’re perhaps, magic. You’re too special to be ordinary. Too passionate to be a priority.
If you feel like someone is ignoring you, never disturb them again. The give and take aspect of any relationship should roughly be equal. You shouldn’t be giving people 100% of your time and attention if you’re getting only 50% in return.
Stop giving people more chances than they deserve. Stand up for yourself and define your self worth. Stick to your standards, no matter how high they seem to an outsider.
Be okay with ending relationships. Sometimes you have to let people go. Clinging onto someone who doesn’t make an effort to be in your life means delaying your destiny.
Don’t look back. Yeah, there will always be happy memories of the past that will make a place in your thoughts, time and again. But don’t dwell on the what if’s. Because if it was meant to be, you wouldn’t be losing your mind over it right now.
Your struggles will make you stronger. It may seem like all life has done is given you lemons but remember nobody has achieved greatness by having it easy.
Believe that tomorrow is going to be better than today because you are working hard to make it so. Give yourself a pat on the back every now and then, for just being you.
Learn to enjoy your own company. Spend some alone time with yourself by doing things that make you happy. If your happiness is dependent on another person, you’ll only ever be miserable in life.
Every few weeks, get off the internet. Detox for body and mind is very good for sanity.
Last but not the least, YOU’RE AWESOME. I LOVE YOU! 😘
So why is there a deep rooted need to constantly be on the lookout for somebody to complete us?
Why is there a strong belief that you need a significant other to give you your own very happy ending?
Because let me tell you, the concept of Happy Endings is a farce, Happy Endings belong in Disney movies.
You start a great relationship with someone, but a few months or a few years down the line, things change, you don’t love them anymore or they don’t care for you as deeply as they used to.
The end is inevitable and then what? You’ll start the hunt for another special someone perhaps? Or you’ll waste away your life, sitting glumly and wondering where did it all go wrong?
To come across another human who is completely content by being on his/her own is truly a miraculous moment, to be savoured and taken due inspiration from.
You can’t let your life be dictated by maelstrom of promises and constant validation from another.
Fulfilment and contentment does not come by sharing a life with someone. What good is love coming from another if you haven’t learned to love yourself right first?
Embrace your solitude, let the empty space around be a source of comfort, a source of peace you crave.
Perhaps by doing so, you will know that fulfilment comes from loving the incomplete, broken parts of you, the ones that cannot be joined by another, even your so called ‘soul mate’.
I hope one day you wake up and realise that only you can complete your incomplete.
People – Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
People – Beautiful, Flawed, Funny, Horrendous.
People – Will warm your soul with a hug one moment, will freeze your heartbeats with their shrewd words the next.
People are such mysterious creatures that every relationship is nothing short of a conundrum.
Want to know one of the reasons that make you unhappy? It is wanting to figure people out. Figure out what they are made up of, what makes them tick, about why they are the way they are.
You’ll guess, guess again, evaluate and re-evaluate the way people treat you and their shifting places in your life. But wait a second, hello, that’s way too much energy, sanity and arrangement wasted over something that should be predominately inconsequential.
Why should it be inconsequential? Because, there’s no figuring out people. You may think you know people close to you in and out but one thing that’s very certain is that people have the ability to surprise you, time and again.
“Maybe it’s like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen – these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”
– John Green, Paper Towns
There’s really no telling, no certainty, no guarantee that the dynamics you share right at this very moment will be the exact same dynamics you will continue sharing a week, a month, a year down the road.
Life is a wave of highs and lows and no matter how good a sailor you are, you won’t always be blessed with calm and easy waves.
So what do you do? You stop seeing people as this gigantic piece of puzzle you need to solve as if your life depended on it.