Smirking In Irony 

  

And suddenly it was crystal clear. 
Why you chose her, and why you walked away, putting the entire blame on my shoulder. 
I wished you’d been man enough to have courage and speak the truth. 

We live in a world where we constantly talk about chivalry being dead and dead it is, for you never thought of taking the responsibility to share the blame of us falling apart. I bet the shopping bags you held for me are smirking at the irony. 

I don’t envy her, I never did. I always thought she was way below the type of girl you deserved. You deserved me. Now I’m smirking at the irony. 

I don’t blame her, I don’t blame you, I don’t even blame myself. You took the easy way out. How can I blame you for following a simple human nature? 

We all want what is easy, and convenient. 

She was there, raw, real, reachable. 

I was sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting for a text that never back. How would it? 

You were busy hugging human warmth that couldn’t have reached through my texts. 

I forgive you. Following your heart and following your nature is hardly a sin. 

It was too soon, it wasn’t soon enough. 

We were too perfect and you imperfect for each other. 

I forgive you. 

I’m free. 
And yet my tears are smirking in irony. 

Advertisements

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

titleimage

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

fdffb697e4db2d594d2f39eb5ecb81e9

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.

DEAR SELF IN 2016

  

A Note to Self, From Self:

It’s 2016 in just another day and I’m writing this to remind you of everything you wanted to do in 2016.

Read this and gather motivation.

Fresh year. Fresh start.

You crave it, you love fresh beginnings. You’ve been eagerly waiting for it since the past few weeks.

Don’t be stuck in the past. Make peace with it. Let bygones be bygones. You made a mistake, or many mistakes.

Forgive yourself, you’re only human. Forget the situation. It’s time to move on.

People who want to be in your life will make an effort. It’s their time to show you they care. You’ve made enough efforts.

Don’t daydream about the future. You’re wasting today for a tomorrow that may not be as you had desired. You’ll only disappoint yourself further.

Love today. Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re alive, TODAY. Be grateful for the present.

Don’t be afraid of being lonely. Embrace solitude. 
Silence shouldn’t scare you. If silence makes you seek companionship, talk to God. You’ll feel better. Listen to music, let it soothe you.

Get off social media. Don’t spend countless hours stalking people you know, don’t be curious about strangers. You don’t want to meet another Internet fuck boy, trust me.

Spend time reading and writing and exploring music genres beyond your comfort level.

Cultivate a new hobby. Get Fit. Eat Healthy. Sleep early.

Stop clicking selfies. You don’t validation.

Limit usage of internet. Sit down with a pen and paper and plan your week.

Take yourself out on a date. A coffee shop, fine dining or perhaps, just a movie.

Stop texting, call instead.

Explore. Travel. Be brave. Take risks. Go out on new adventures.

Stop being a people pleaser. Learn to say no without explaining. The ones who understand, won’t demand an explanation.

Save Money. Be kind.

Value the little things. Practice Gratitude. Be thankful for your family. Spend more time with them.

Get a cat. Get a tattoo. Take a long holiday in a foreign destination. You’ve wanted these things since forever. This year, you should.

Don’t be naïve but don’t be afraid to give love a chance. Broken heart will be healed but ‘What ifs’ tend to haunt forever.

Love yourself; don’t be dependent on a man to give you love.

Don’t take people or things for granted. Don’t assume.

Talk it out. Communicate.

Forgive others for being human and making mistakes but don’t make it a habit. Set a limit to how much you can tolerate.

Don’t be impulsive but also don’t plan things down to the T. Let life be unfolded naturally. It will surprise you; maybe you’ll even like the surprise.

Don’t be a gossip. You have better things to do.

Don’t be judgmental, it’s not your job. You’re not God.

Remember the good times from 2015 but don’t dwell on the times you broke down and cried.

Forgive people who hurt you and regret nothing.

Last but not the least, smile often and choose to be happy!

Unwarranted Change

IMG_3415.JPG

 

There are two kinds of people.

 
One, who isolate themselves and completely shut off from the world when they’re feeling down. They don’t want to show their open wounds and tear streaked face to others because they know that people (even the ones to seem to love you and care for you) either wouldn’t be able to understand would judge them or even worse, pour salt on their wounds.

 
So they wallow in self pity, mind – a chaos, clothes – a mess, with red rimmed eyes, bed the only place of solace and music, the only source of minuscule comfort. They’re the kind who will desperately try to be strong in their moment of weakness.

 
They are the ones who cared more in a relationship and the ones who hurt more. They are the restless ones, the ones who feel they’re too damaged for love. Their life nothing but a lonely hollow existence, where the nights feel too long and days begin too soon.

 
I used to be this kind of person.

 

 
Then I changed and began to associate myself with people belonging to the second category.

 
When I was sad, I wanted to be with anyone but myself. I started abhorring my own company.

 
Even though I knew treacherous thoughts wouldn’t leave their shackles on my mind, I still wanted to lose myself in a room full of familiar faces.

 
Thus began my transformation.

 
A person who didn’t mind being on her own for days began changing into a person who constantly wanted human attention and conversation.

 
I started calling people more often, began mending fences with friends who I had fallen out with, sought mindless, random conversations from strangers on the internet, started reading more relationships quotes on Pinterest (that only depressed me further) and overshared on social media.

 
Uploading a selfie (and the constant stream of notification when somebody like my picture) was my version of vague human interaction to keep myself occupied.

 
I wondered if any of this was real or if my heart was really into talking to people. I realized it was just a ploy I had created to keep myself busy for I thought that being busy meant I wouldn’t think about the heart that was still aching and about the person who caused it to ache.
Can a person or a situation change you so much?

BIGGER PICTURE GETS TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT?

I’ve come across so many beautiful quotes that talk about how to get over painful experiences and move on.

 
My personal favorites (or so I thought) are:

 

 

 

Somehow, I pondered long and hard and wondered if I was finding solace in the fact that these quotes made me a victim. They were telling me to be okay about being selfish and letting go, about moving on, victimizing my situation. Was I a victim really, or was I a catalyst in the bad experience that eventually broke me down and made me seek comfort from these quotes?
The answer was surprising. I was as much as a catalyst as I was a victim in my situation where I had to eventually learn to let someone go.

 

 

 
There are only so many times you can push someone away, fight with them and then try to get back together. One day they will realize that maybe they deserve better and that day they will just pack up and leave. No explanation, no justification.

 

 

 
Life gives us more chances than we deserve but we are all living in era where we are preached about how it’s okay to feed our self interest and do what’s best for us. We’ve taken these terms for granted, at the same time ignoring the bigger picture.

 

 

 
The bigger picture being, whenever something goes wrong or a relationship fails, we have a finger to point at ourselves.
We screwed up, or let things continue, or took things for granted.

 

 

 
So now you’re going through a bad experience, searching the internet for some comfort food to feel your restless mind and sad heart, the comfort food that’s doing nothing but victimizing your situation and helping you ignore the bigger picture, once again!

Hot Messes Need Acceptance.

acceptance

People – Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

People – Beautiful, Flawed, Funny, Horrendous.

People – Will warm your soul with a hug one moment, will freeze your heartbeats with their shrewd words the next.

People are such mysterious creatures that every relationship is nothing short of a conundrum.

Want to know one of the reasons that make you unhappy? It is wanting to figure people out. Figure out what they are made up of, what makes them tick, about why they are the way they are.

You’ll guess, guess again, evaluate and re-evaluate the way people treat you and their shifting places in your life. But wait a second, hello, that’s way too much energy, sanity and arrangement wasted over something that should be predominately inconsequential.

Why should it be inconsequential? Because, there’s no figuring out people. You may think you know people close to you in and out but one thing that’s very certain is that people have the ability to surprise you, time and again.

I’ll share my favourite quote from the book Paper Towns here:

“Maybe it’s like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen – these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”

        – John Green, Paper Towns

There’s really no telling, no certainty, no guarantee that the dynamics you share right at this very moment will be the exact same dynamics you will continue sharing a week, a month, a year down the road.

Life is a wave of highs and lows and no matter how good a sailor you are, you won’t always be blessed with calm and easy waves.

So what do you do? You stop seeing people as this gigantic piece of puzzle you need to solve as if your life depended on it.

You don’t have to like what people do. Don’t try changing their behavior to suit your needs. Either walk away or accept people the hot mess that they are!

Space it out! 

IMG_1641

Space. Not to be confused with distance or disconnect. 

Space is such a simple 5 letter word and yet we’ll also find that it’s such a difficult word to deal with. We’ll find that we’re craving space more than usual. Something about our generation and too many social media accounts and app connectivity. 

It’s only 2015 and we’re already at a level where we might be in different continents but in virtual sense, we’re all attached to the hip. I shudder to think of my kids’ state of mind in the next 10 years. 

Let’s look at a scenario: You called my cellphone and I didn’t pick up, so you left me a whatsapp. It showed unread after 10 minutes, so you sent me a text which also was not replied to cause I haven’t checked my phone at all. Next you wrote on my Facebook wall – Please check your phone Vish. 

I’m over here, brainstorming with my team for the next campaign, blissfully unaware of the chaos you’ve already caused in my world. I’ll check the maelstrom of messages and texts and walls and calls and wonder if somebody died. 

But then, it will just be you asking me if you could borrow my shoes for your date tomorrow night! 😐😶😑

Why are we at a stage where it’s impossible to leave another person alone? Network companies are advertising about constant connectivity and we’ve been caught up in their web. I know everybody always has their phone on them. All. The. Damn. Time. But, sometimes people can be genuinely busy. Or not in the mood to communicate with other humans or sometimes, they just might be hanging around with their alien pals. You don’t know.

And even if they’re genuinely ignoring you, instead of bombarding them with another round of ‘Are you ignoring me’ messages, leave them alone. Cause, have you heard about this thing called ‘self worth’ that a person is supposed to hold close to their heart? Yeah, that. 

If they’re ignoring communication from you in the first place, maybe you’re not really their priority. Stop smothering them or feeling bad about not getting a reply. 

He didn’t reply to your text? Okay. She didn’t reply to your DM on Twitter? She doesn’t want to, move on. He didn’t reply your call. He was busy with some other girl, look for someone else.

Let people be and give them space. When they’re out of whatever bubble they’re in, you’ll know where you stand in their life. 

Communication is the key but over-communication is an over kill.