It’s knowing you’re hurting yourself but not stopping your path to self destruction
It’s your heart wanting to freely trust but your mind playing game of friction
It’s convincing yourself that being lonely is your salvation, to stay aloof is the only way to be
It’s all that hurt wrapped on your skin, blinding you from all the good that’s still left to see
But once in a while when the fog clears, I run free from the maze of doubts and fear
That windy night on your terrace is a stunning moment I will always hold dear
The sky, a beautiful mix of dark and rosy, showering a light drizzle on my cheeks
Your arm caressing my waist softly as I stare out in amaze is that one thing on sleepless nights I miss.
Serenity never felt so good
This fine Sunday evening
On the dusty terrace
Lighting up a minty smoke
Listening to some mellow tunes
With wind teasing my hair
And watching the sunset sky slowly become one with the inky after hours
No hustle of the daily grind
No bustle of unknown faces
Mind finally at ease
A content sigh on my lips
I gave so much to people
I forgot to take for myself
A little piece of sanity
A moment of alone time
Tomorrow, the day will start with blues
Tomorrow, I will chase the deadlines
But this instant is untainted
These picturesque glances are all mine.
Darkness is comforting
Not because I’m an evil schemer
Or a genius murderer
Or an owl
But because, melancholy and nights belong together
When they unite for a brief while
There is a sense of calm in the air
Even though my gut feels anything but okay
And my mind is insane with worry
And thoughts won’t stop churning my head
I’m sad but relieved
They can’t see my tears
Or see me shake
Or hear my sighs
And I hope
I join my hands and pray
Maybe the sound of silence will be louder
The Moon will sing me a melody
The clouds will whisper sweet nothings
The stars will watch over me
All so it doesn’t hurt anymore
So your memories don’t feel like a bullet shot through my chest.
Your name crossed my mind
So I went back and listened to the songs
Songs that reminded me of you
They sounded like a beautiful mixture
Of hope and regret
But as the melody went on,
That the beauty of the music still remained
While your memories were slowly but surely fading.
Let. It. Go.
Three simple words. Are they really?
How do I let it go when you’re the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, the last one on my mind when I fall asleep and a million times in between?
How do I let it go when mind still craves our silly conversations, my heart still yearns for your goofy smile and my body longs to be touched by you?
How do I let it go when I’m perpetually daydreaming about what ifs and could bes, about what went wrong and why can’t it be salvaged?
How do I let it go when my mind is always restless, heart is always heavy and eyes always teary when I think of you?
How do I let it go when I know I won’t find another like you, shy, charming with that lopsided smile?
How do I let it go when you were never even mine to let go?
How do I let it go when I’m still in love with you and I know I meant absolutely nothing to you.
Luring me in and then walking away? Like none of it mattered? Like I didn’t matter? Like the times we shared just faded into dust? I’ve never felt so broken and unlovable.
Was it easy?
Promising me the stars and then leaving me on a barren land to admire their beauty from afar, all alone, lonely and cold? I will never be able to love those stars again.
Was it easy?
Not fighting for me, putting the blame on my shoulders and then seeking solace in another’s arms soon after? The pain that shot through my chest is indescribable.
Was it easy?
Destroying my worth and ruining my sanity, sucking me off all my love, leaving me on the stone cold floor to lie in a heap of bones and tears? I will never be the same again.
I want to be at peace with my past
Try to be brave, let go of the mistakes I made last
Took a deep breath, gathered some courage
Listened to the mix-tape you made me, the steady stream of tears has me worried
I wish it didn’t end this way, I wish it didn’t end at all
Why do I keep punishing myself, when you’re equally to blame for my fall?
I’m torn baby, devastatingly so,
Between shunning you and keeping your memories wrapped up with a pretty ribbon in a bow.
Was I nothing to you, why did our love get sour?
Why didn’t you fight for us, what did I push you away for?
Now my head is spinning, round and round
A million questions, answers to which will be never found
If you can hear my mind screaming, just answer me this
Will it ever stop hurting, will I ever find bliss?