On Which Road To Take

Life is a series of moments where you will be standing at a point, deciding on which road to take. 

As the proverb goes, we’re lead to believe that the road less travelled, is more adventurous and less crowded. And of course we want more adventure in life, more thrill, so we tell ourselves, ‘Hey, it’s going to be difficult but it will be worth it. I’m going to learn so much and I’m going to gain so much’. 
Alright. That’s fair enough. We never grow if we don’t give ourselves a chance to explore, take on an untraveled path, make mistakes and gain experience in the process. 

But must be always give ourselves grief in order to grow? Must we always choose the more difficult option to explore? Should experiences be shaped by bitter memories for them to be considered worth it? 

Give yourself a time out. You’re a human and throughout this lifetime, you’ll get options – the easy one and the hard one. 

And I’ve never been the one to say that shirking from hard work is the easier option, but sometimes it’s okay to take shortcuts or the road that every one else seems to be taking. Sometimes the more difficult road can lead you to nowhere but a dead end. 

And until now, I thought unless I slog off at work for more or less the same pay that I uses to make at my previous job that seemed easier in terms of travel, convenience and the effort required, I won’t be able to grow and I won’t be able to go places. 

So I took up the challenge. I travelled quite a few miles to go to the new job, was okay about ungodly working hours and put in all my efforts towards something I realised wasn’t my area of interest in the first place. 

Was the previous job not worth it because it came naturally and felt easy? Of course not but I only just realised that I actually liked it. 

We learn from mistakes and here is my lesson, ‘Don’t always insist on taking the hard road because sometimes we create a more difficult road just in order to punish ourselves for crimes we didn’t commit in the first place’.

It’s that time of the year again…

But I made it, I made it though the most terrible time of my life and here I am. 
Alive. Breathing. Kicking. 
It’s been a year today. Past mistakes don’t feel like a burden anymore. I don’t cry thinking of the memories anymore. My heart doesn’t pain anymore. 
I’m happy. I smile. I laugh. 
I let go. 
Happy Diwali. 
May all the darkness in your life be replaced with light and your soul be infused with love and happiness. 

It’s your decision to make…

It’s inevitable. Pain. 

You can’t expect to get through this life all smiles and sunshines. 

There’s going to be bruises, and hurt, and tears, and broken heart accompanied by an indescribable feeling that will tear through your chest in its own leisurely pace. 

But then, it’s upto you! To look at yourself in the mirror and cringe at the reflection looking back at you or to salute yourself for making it this far in a battlefield. It’s upto you to let the bruises haunt you or to proudly wear the scars like they’re pretty bows. It’s upto you to let the hurt define you or let the pain make you stronger. 

Each new day, remember why you breathe and give whole heartedly believe that it’s going to be alright. 

When the hurt fades just a little bit everyday, the sparkle in your eye will shine a little bit brighter. 

One day, one day you’ll breathe again without the air seeping through the pieces that seem calloused and cracked. 

Remember that it’s never too late. You can always pick yourself up, dust yourself up, shrug and call it a ‘life lesson’. 

It’s never a tragedy unless you decide to make yourself a victim.

The Word ‘Different’

Different. More often than not, it is regarded as a negative connotation. Our society has a very different definition of the word ‘different’ than what it originated as. 
I’m not a stuck up person, my way of life is just different than yours. I’m not lazy, I just prioritise my tasks differently than you. I don’t care less, I just dedicate my time and emotions to people and things closest to my heart. I don’t not give a fuck, I just don’t give a fuck about you. 
Don’t hate on me for living my life differently than what you would consider ‘normal’ because, come on, normal is overrated and we’re living in god damn 21st century. You’d think after years of evolution, research, science and technology, human brain would at least be somewhat mature but not everyone has cared to evolve. What else would you call people who label others based on their race, income, political beliefs and their general way of life? 
I am different than you and you are different than me because guess what, God made us this way and if we’d all be like each other, this world would be a pretty boring place. (I’d be praying to an alien to come take me to Mars) 
People are often mocked and ridiculed because they simply don’t fit in the definition of ‘normal’ set by a bunch of other people.  They will say “how can you just not give a fuck!”. Well you got it wrong, there are plenty of fucks to give, just none to you. 
Being an introvert mostly comes with pitfalls. One doesn’t  mind being called shy but usually, the reality hits too far away from home. ‘Ignorant’, ‘Slow’, ‘Stuck Up’, ‘None Fucks To Give’ were always the words one is often associated with. 

Take me for an example. 
I’m an introvert. I’m different from you. I can’t always make small talks about the weather or dwell deep into the sea of spirituality. 
I like crowds just as much as I like keeping to myself. 
I like books, and tea, and music,  and sunsets. I like picnics on a sunny day with people who understand my silence. 
I’m not abnormal, I’m different, I’m just not like you. 

Why Can’t I Make Them Stay?

  

  
You’re lonely.

 You’ve always been a lonely soul, drifting from place to place, person to person, trying to find love, acceptation, connection, warmth, non-judgement in this cold, shallow, empty world.

You’ve tried, haven’t you, to not fall in love with strangers who with their well-framed words and selfish needs managed to make you their puppet.

You’ve cried, haven’t you, endless nights when they chose to leave you, even after all you did was give give and give, and they sucked you dry of your care and selflessness.

You’ve caused yourself headaches, haven’t you, searching for reasons why it’s always you they chose to leave, to hurt, to be a monster with.

Now you have all this love to give, but no one to give it to, and these words they haunt you,
“WHAT DID I DO WRONG. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THEM STAY?”

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.

Something Good

  

In times of melancholy, when my heart was in a state of despair and the lights in my room were perpetually dimmed, my soul didn’t know how to heal itself. 

When feelings were bottled in, words were caged and tears were free flowing, no amount of positivity and motivation helped me silence the raging chaos in my mind. 

But then you came in, a weird mix of sweet and funny and stupid and casual and my bruised heart is slowly healing. 

You stayed when I was difficult, loved me when I was unlovable and I’m slowly but surely beginning to see the light. 

Giving you a chance? It’s been difficult, worse than preparing for a war. I wanted to keep you out, couldn’t hurt you or let you hurt me in return. 

I pushed and pulled and then some more. How have you still stayed? I hope you stay some more. 

I’ve started smiling again, my heart doesn’t ache anymore. I’m feeling good, happier, my days aren’t melancholic, nights aren’t morose. 

My thoughts were filled with false hope and longing but now all I can think of is you. 

How did something so good come out of a train wreck? 

Pillow Talk – Vol. 1

  

DEAR SELF IN 2016

  

A Note to Self, From Self:

It’s 2016 in just another day and I’m writing this to remind you of everything you wanted to do in 2016.

Read this and gather motivation.

Fresh year. Fresh start.

You crave it, you love fresh beginnings. You’ve been eagerly waiting for it since the past few weeks.

Don’t be stuck in the past. Make peace with it. Let bygones be bygones. You made a mistake, or many mistakes.

Forgive yourself, you’re only human. Forget the situation. It’s time to move on.

People who want to be in your life will make an effort. It’s their time to show you they care. You’ve made enough efforts.

Don’t daydream about the future. You’re wasting today for a tomorrow that may not be as you had desired. You’ll only disappoint yourself further.

Love today. Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re alive, TODAY. Be grateful for the present.

Don’t be afraid of being lonely. Embrace solitude. 
Silence shouldn’t scare you. If silence makes you seek companionship, talk to God. You’ll feel better. Listen to music, let it soothe you.

Get off social media. Don’t spend countless hours stalking people you know, don’t be curious about strangers. You don’t want to meet another Internet fuck boy, trust me.

Spend time reading and writing and exploring music genres beyond your comfort level.

Cultivate a new hobby. Get Fit. Eat Healthy. Sleep early.

Stop clicking selfies. You don’t validation.

Limit usage of internet. Sit down with a pen and paper and plan your week.

Take yourself out on a date. A coffee shop, fine dining or perhaps, just a movie.

Stop texting, call instead.

Explore. Travel. Be brave. Take risks. Go out on new adventures.

Stop being a people pleaser. Learn to say no without explaining. The ones who understand, won’t demand an explanation.

Save Money. Be kind.

Value the little things. Practice Gratitude. Be thankful for your family. Spend more time with them.

Get a cat. Get a tattoo. Take a long holiday in a foreign destination. You’ve wanted these things since forever. This year, you should.

Don’t be naïve but don’t be afraid to give love a chance. Broken heart will be healed but ‘What ifs’ tend to haunt forever.

Love yourself; don’t be dependent on a man to give you love.

Don’t take people or things for granted. Don’t assume.

Talk it out. Communicate.

Forgive others for being human and making mistakes but don’t make it a habit. Set a limit to how much you can tolerate.

Don’t be impulsive but also don’t plan things down to the T. Let life be unfolded naturally. It will surprise you; maybe you’ll even like the surprise.

Don’t be a gossip. You have better things to do.

Don’t be judgmental, it’s not your job. You’re not God.

Remember the good times from 2015 but don’t dwell on the times you broke down and cried.

Forgive people who hurt you and regret nothing.

Last but not the least, smile often and choose to be happy!

Disburden

  

This isn’t fiction. This picture speaks of a man (he’d chide me for calling him a boy) who wrote me something. Humans don’t do that anymore, dedicate a words for another human they like. It’s only about texts and pictures these days. 
But I was pleasantly surprised, I could squeal. I might have squealed. 
He said, ‘Let the innocuousness of our situation surprise you’ and surprise me he did, by adhering to the exact, promised timeline, by typing down a 1000+ words to a causal remark (covered up by jest of course) I’d once made and delivering a beautifully written piece, where I was the lead role, defined by strength and dismal in roughly equal measures. 
Like a blood moon, surely it’s a rare occurrence when you come across someone who has taken (and still is) great measures to prove that they aren’t defined by empty words and false promises, or even worse, someone who’s in it to fill a vacuum in their lonely life, only till it serves a purpose.

I love words, words are great and I have a weakness for words written with me in mind (Pfft, who wouldn’t?) but it’s about parallel actions, hard at work that are the star of our situation.

With 2015 almost over, it’s time to shuffle people priorities again. It’s time to maybe risk it again, trust people and give them a chance to surprise you (and make you happy, he’d say) and let the other trash (people) take care of itself (themselves) with you doing nothing about it (them), except label it as a bad experience and give yourself time to let go. It’s time to disburden. 🍀✨