It’s your decision to make…

It’s inevitable. Pain. 

You can’t expect to get through this life all smiles and sunshines. 

There’s going to be bruises, and hurt, and tears, and broken heart accompanied by an indescribable feeling that will tear through your chest in its own leisurely pace. 

But then, it’s upto you! To look at yourself in the mirror and cringe at the reflection looking back at you or to salute yourself for making it this far in a battlefield. It’s upto you to let the bruises haunt you or to proudly wear the scars like they’re pretty bows. It’s upto you to let the hurt define you or let the pain make you stronger. 

Each new day, remember why you breathe and give whole heartedly believe that it’s going to be alright. 

When the hurt fades just a little bit everyday, the sparkle in your eye will shine a little bit brighter. 

One day, one day you’ll breathe again without the air seeping through the pieces that seem calloused and cracked. 

Remember that it’s never too late. You can always pick yourself up, dust yourself up, shrug and call it a ‘life lesson’. 

It’s never a tragedy unless you decide to make yourself a victim.

The Word ‘Different’

Different. More often than not, it is regarded as a negative connotation. Our society has a very different definition of the word ‘different’ than what it originated as. 
I’m not a stuck up person, my way of life is just different than yours. I’m not lazy, I just prioritise my tasks differently than you. I don’t care less, I just dedicate my time and emotions to people and things closest to my heart. I don’t not give a fuck, I just don’t give a fuck about you. 
Don’t hate on me for living my life differently than what you would consider ‘normal’ because, come on, normal is overrated and we’re living in god damn 21st century. You’d think after years of evolution, research, science and technology, human brain would at least be somewhat mature but not everyone has cared to evolve. What else would you call people who label others based on their race, income, political beliefs and their general way of life? 
I am different than you and you are different than me because guess what, God made us this way and if we’d all be like each other, this world would be a pretty boring place. (I’d be praying to an alien to come take me to Mars) 
People are often mocked and ridiculed because they simply don’t fit in the definition of ‘normal’ set by a bunch of other people.  They will say “how can you just not give a fuck!”. Well you got it wrong, there are plenty of fucks to give, just none to you. 
Being an introvert mostly comes with pitfalls. One doesn’t  mind being called shy but usually, the reality hits too far away from home. ‘Ignorant’, ‘Slow’, ‘Stuck Up’, ‘None Fucks To Give’ were always the words one is often associated with. 

Take me for an example. 
I’m an introvert. I’m different from you. I can’t always make small talks about the weather or dwell deep into the sea of spirituality. 
I like crowds just as much as I like keeping to myself. 
I like books, and tea, and music,  and sunsets. I like picnics on a sunny day with people who understand my silence. 
I’m not abnormal, I’m different, I’m just not like you. 

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.

Learn and Teach

   
 Where I’m working at, I have a colleague who always seems to be asking questions about anything and everything. 

Not personal questions, but related to work. He’s an eager learner and believes in knowledge sharing. I found it is such a wonderful way to personal growth. 

His annoying ways aside, it’s a habit I want to inculcate. There’s so much we don’t know about, so much to learn, so much to teach, so much to take upstairs to heaven even though out bones will be left to wither in the soils of this earth. 
Being curious about new words, new dialects, new terms and new experiences is very healthy. 
Curiosity has always been seen as a negative connotation. But not if applied correctly. It’s the perfect way to keep your mind occupied, that’s otherwise too busy overthinking, creating problems that doesn’t exist and indulging in mindless gossip. 

Ask about things you don’t know, don’t be shy or feel ignorant. Learn about things you want to know, you’re never too old. 

Inspire, be inspired, be good, do good. 

Life’s too short for anything else. 

BIGGER PICTURE GETS TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT?

I’ve come across so many beautiful quotes that talk about how to get over painful experiences and move on.

 
My personal favorites (or so I thought) are:

 

 

 

Somehow, I pondered long and hard and wondered if I was finding solace in the fact that these quotes made me a victim. They were telling me to be okay about being selfish and letting go, about moving on, victimizing my situation. Was I a victim really, or was I a catalyst in the bad experience that eventually broke me down and made me seek comfort from these quotes?
The answer was surprising. I was as much as a catalyst as I was a victim in my situation where I had to eventually learn to let someone go.

 

 

 
There are only so many times you can push someone away, fight with them and then try to get back together. One day they will realize that maybe they deserve better and that day they will just pack up and leave. No explanation, no justification.

 

 

 
Life gives us more chances than we deserve but we are all living in era where we are preached about how it’s okay to feed our self interest and do what’s best for us. We’ve taken these terms for granted, at the same time ignoring the bigger picture.

 

 

 
The bigger picture being, whenever something goes wrong or a relationship fails, we have a finger to point at ourselves.
We screwed up, or let things continue, or took things for granted.

 

 

 
So now you’re going through a bad experience, searching the internet for some comfort food to feel your restless mind and sad heart, the comfort food that’s doing nothing but victimizing your situation and helping you ignore the bigger picture, once again!

A Journey From Destiny To Gratitude

  

Because, sometimes it’s all about destiny. Some people in your life are forever people, the soul mates, the ones who will stand with you through thick and thin, listening to you whine and rant for insane amount of hours, hugging you when your world is falling apart, comforting you with words, making a midnight icecream run because there’s just no other way to soothe your hysteria.

They’ll pick up the pieces of your soul shattered by others who chose to leave, the temporary ones who in a way will come in your life through destiny too. 

Just that their purpose in your life is a little different, they’re perhaps only in your life so you can learn all about you. 

They’ll take you to the happiest ever been and then make you experience your lowest low. But theses temporary ones are important too. They teach you about all that you lack, all that you’re okay with tolerating, all that defines your limits, all that makes you, you all that doesn’t make you, you. 

So I guess, in the end, you’ve got to be grateful for both the lots for if you didn’t have it bad, you wouldn’t be thankful for the good. 

Faded, But Not Lost.

  

It has happened again. 

Perhaps the person you like doesn’t like you or you got cheated on or your relationship didn’t work or your ex seems to be moving on with another lover while you’re still pining for them. 

And here you are, still waiting, wishing, praying even, for some miraculous event to turn around your life, so that it doesn’t hurt so much and they’re back in your life so that you can be happy again. 

The truth is, if it mattered to you, it’s going to hurt, it’s going to hurt like hell and your world is going to come crashing down on you and breathing normally is going to seem like a chore and that perpetually heaviness in your heart is going to make you miserable. 

But the truth also is, it’s going to pass. Your tears will dry up, the heaviness from your heart will disappear, the fog from your mind will be lifted and the ‘hope-they-come-back-into-your-life’ glasses will come down the day you realise that you can’t be waiting on them forever. 

You’re going to move on. To better things, better people. You’re going to distract yourself with friends and work and perhaps even get back to hobbies or pick up a new one along the way. You’re going to introspect, rearrange your life, make new priorities and goals. 

You will stop stalking them on social media. The holes in your existence from them leaving will be filled, breathing will come back naturally, you will feel like smiling again. You’ll even catch yourself singing in the shower. 

You’re going to survive this, come out of this shipwreck, not unscathed but alive. 

You will write about your scars or talk about them or let them just silently motivate you from the worn pages of your journal. Wear them proudly. 

You will start believing in this overused phrase – ‘It’s going to alright’. You know why? Because that heart, it’s battered, bruised, broken, shattered, so many times. 

But it’s still beating. 

And while you’re faded, you’re not lost. 

Hot Messes Need Acceptance.

People – Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

People – Beautiful, Flawed, Funny, Horrendous.

People – Will warm your soul with a hug one moment, will freeze your heartbeats with their shrewd words the next.

People are such mysterious creatures that every relationship is nothing short of a conundrum.

Want to know one of the reasons that make you unhappy? It is wanting to figure people out. Figure out what they are made up of, what makes them tick, about why they are the way they are.

You’ll guess, guess again, evaluate and re-evaluate the way people treat you and their shifting places in your life. But wait a second, hello, that’s way too much energy, sanity and arrangement wasted over something that should be predominately inconsequential.

Why should it be inconsequential? Because, there’s no figuring out people. You may think you know people close to you in and out but one thing that’s very certain is that people have the ability to surprise you, time and again.

I’ll share my favourite quote from the book Paper Towns here:

“Maybe it’s like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And then things happen – these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack in places. And I mean, yeah once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And its only that time that we see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face to face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade, but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”

        – John Green, Paper Towns

There’s really no telling, no certainty, no guarantee that the dynamics you share right at this very moment will be the exact same dynamics you will continue sharing a week, a month, a year down the road.

Life is a wave of highs and lows and no matter how good a sailor you are, you won’t always be blessed with calm and easy waves.

So what do you do? You stop seeing people as this gigantic piece of puzzle you need to solve as if your life depended on it.

You don’t have to like what people do. Don’t try changing their behavior to suit your needs. Either walk away or accept people the hot mess that they are!

Space it out!

Space. Not to be confused with distance or disconnect. 

Space is such a simple 5 letter word and yet we’ll also find that it’s such a difficult word to deal with. We’ll find that we’re craving space more than usual. Something about our generation and too many social media accounts and app connectivity. 

It’s only 2015 and we’re already at a level where we might be in different continents but in virtual sense, we’re all attached to the hip. I shudder to think of my kids’ state of mind in the next 10 years. 

Let’s look at a scenario: You called my cellphone and I didn’t pick up, so you left me a whatsapp. It showed unread after 10 minutes, so you sent me a text which also was not replied to cause I haven’t checked my phone at all. Next you wrote on my Facebook wall – Please check your phone Vish. 

I’m over here, brainstorming with my team for the next campaign, blissfully unaware of the chaos you’ve already caused in my world. I’ll check the maelstrom of messages and texts and walls and calls and wonder if somebody died. 

But then, it will just be you asking me if you could borrow my shoes for your date tomorrow night! 😐😶😑

Why are we at a stage where it’s impossible to leave another person alone? Network companies are advertising about constant connectivity and we’ve been caught up in their web. I know everybody always has their phone on them. All. The. Damn. Time. But, sometimes people can be genuinely busy. Or not in the mood to communicate with other humans or sometimes, they just might be hanging around with their alien pals. You don’t know.

And even if they’re genuinely ignoring you, instead of bombarding them with another round of ‘Are you ignoring me’ messages, leave them alone. Cause, have you heard about this thing called ‘self worth’ that a person is supposed to hold close to their heart? Yeah, that. 

If they’re ignoring communication from you in the first place, maybe you’re not really their priority. Stop smothering them or feeling bad about not getting a reply. 

He didn’t reply to your text? Okay. She didn’t reply to your DM on Twitter? She doesn’t want to, move on. He didn’t reply your call. He was busy with some other girl, look for someone else.

Let people be and give them space. When they’re out of whatever bubble they’re in, you’ll know where you stand in their life. 

Communication is the key but over-communication is an over kill. 

Of Strangers and Reflections

 

I really admire people who can talk about their shortcomings with me, especially when that person is somewhere on the cusp of being an almost stranger and a once-upon-a-time acquaintance.

 
To be on the fence of any kind isn’t a pretty place to be and to take stance and jump over definitely requires a hell lot of courage. Anybody can yap on and on about their miseries and mistakes to a total stranger, because apparently, you either won’t meet them again in later life or they have an ‘I won’t judge you’ aura or eyes or something that draws you in.

 
Words that were exchanged were the kind that held meaning a lot deeper than the surface scratching kind that I’m used to. (thank you, social media!) It required a good amount of reflection and retrospection post conversation, on my part to open my eyes and mind once again.

 
I know of this fact, have seldom preached of this fact previously but I’ve never regularly practiced it myself (hypocrite, hah!), but there’s so much more to people than what we think we know or what we’ve gathered from other opinionated people around us.

 
Even in a clique of four best friends, no two individuals share the same kind of dynamics, so who are we to form an opinion about someone without knowing them or conversing with them, simply putting the judgment of other friends/acquaintances over our own rational thought process? After all, the mighty Lord did make each of us unique and gave us all an individual brain to churn, didn’t he?

 
I don’t know what made this person open up to me (or I do, we were stuck alone in the car for a few minutes) but I’m so glad that this little life episode reminded me once again of how I ought to be instead of how I am.

 
I’ve read that self-reflection is a humbling process but reflection of any kind, really, is equally humbling as it is powerful.