On Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights. 
It’s knowing you’re hurting yourself but not stopping your path to self destruction
It’s your heart wanting to freely trust but your mind playing game of friction
It’s convincing yourself that being lonely is your salvation, to stay aloof is the only way to be 
It’s all that hurt wrapped on your skin, blinding you from all the good that’s still left to see 
But once in a while when the fog clears, I run free from the maze of doubts and fear 
That windy night on your terrace is a stunning moment I will always hold dear
The sky, a beautiful mix of dark and rosy, showering a light drizzle on my cheeks 
Your arm caressing my waist softly as I stare out in amaze is that one thing on sleepless nights I miss. 

Solace of the Dark

  
Darkness is comforting
Not because I’m an evil schemer
Or a genius murderer 
Or an owl
But because, melancholy and nights belong together 
When they unite for a brief while
There is a sense of calm in the air 
Even though my gut feels anything but okay 
And my mind is insane with worry 
And thoughts won’t stop churning my head 
I’m sad but relieved 
They can’t see my tears 
Or see me shake 
Or hear my sighs 
And I hope 
I join my hands and pray 
Maybe the sound of silence will be louder 
The Moon will sing me a melody 
The clouds will whisper sweet nothings 
The stars will watch over me 
All so it doesn’t hurt anymore 
So your memories don’t feel like a bullet shot through my chest. 

Smirking In Irony

  

And suddenly it was crystal clear. 
Why you chose her, and why you walked away, putting the entire blame on my shoulder. 
I wished you’d been man enough to have courage and speak the truth. 

We live in a world where we constantly talk about chivalry being dead and dead it is, for you never thought of taking the responsibility to share the blame of us falling apart. I bet the shopping bags you held for me are smirking at the irony. 

I don’t envy her, I never did. I always thought she was way below the type of girl you deserved. You deserved me. Now I’m smirking at the irony. 

I don’t blame her, I don’t blame you, I don’t even blame myself. You took the easy way out. How can I blame you for following a simple human nature? 

We all want what is easy, and convenient. 

She was there, raw, real, reachable. 

I was sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting for a text that never back. How would it? 

You were busy hugging human warmth that couldn’t have reached through my texts. 

I forgive you. Following your heart and following your nature is hardly a sin. 

It was too soon, it wasn’t soon enough. 

We were too perfect and you imperfect for each other. 

I forgive you. 

I’m free. 
And yet my tears are smirking in irony. 

Of hope and regret

  

  
I was doing fine 

But today 

Your name crossed my mind

So I went back and listened to the songs

Songs that reminded me of you

They sounded like a beautiful mixture 
Of hope and regret 

But as the melody went on, 

I realised 
That the beauty of the music still remained 
While your memories were slowly but surely fading. 
 ✨🍀

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.

How Do I Let It Go?

  

Let. It. Go. 

Three simple words. Are they really? 

How do I let it go when you’re the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, the last one on my mind when I fall asleep and a million times in between? 

How do I let it go when mind still craves our silly conversations, my heart still yearns for your goofy smile and my body longs to be touched by you? 

How do I let it go when I’m perpetually daydreaming about what ifs and could bes, about what went wrong and why can’t it be salvaged? 

How do I let it go when my mind is always restless, heart is always heavy and eyes always teary when I think of you? 

How do I let it go when I know I won’t find another like you, shy, charming with that lopsided smile?  

How do I let it go when you were never even mine to let go? 

How do I let it go when I’m still in love with you and I know I meant absolutely nothing to you. 

Something Good

  

In times of melancholy, when my heart was in a state of despair and the lights in my room were perpetually dimmed, my soul didn’t know how to heal itself. 

When feelings were bottled in, words were caged and tears were free flowing, no amount of positivity and motivation helped me silence the raging chaos in my mind. 

But then you came in, a weird mix of sweet and funny and stupid and casual and my bruised heart is slowly healing. 

You stayed when I was difficult, loved me when I was unlovable and I’m slowly but surely beginning to see the light. 

Giving you a chance? It’s been difficult, worse than preparing for a war. I wanted to keep you out, couldn’t hurt you or let you hurt me in return. 

I pushed and pulled and then some more. How have you still stayed? I hope you stay some more. 

I’ve started smiling again, my heart doesn’t ache anymore. I’m feeling good, happier, my days aren’t melancholic, nights aren’t morose. 

My thoughts were filled with false hope and longing but now all I can think of is you. 

How did something so good come out of a train wreck? 

Was it easy?

 
 Was it easy? 

Luring me in and then walking away? Like none of it mattered? Like I didn’t matter? Like the times we shared just faded into dust? I’ve never felt so broken and unlovable. 

Was it easy? 

Promising me the stars and then leaving me on a barren land to admire their beauty from afar, all alone, lonely and cold? I will never be able to love those stars again. 

Was it easy? 

Not fighting for me, putting the blame on my shoulders and then seeking solace in another’s arms soon after? The pain that shot through my chest is indescribable. 

Was it easy? 

Destroying my worth and ruining my sanity, sucking me off all my love, leaving me on the stone cold floor to lie in a heap of bones and tears? I will never be the same again. 

Pillow Talk – Vol. 1

  

The kind of love I’m craving.

 
 I’m done with mediocre love. 

The kind where the flames burn just enough to keep you going everyday, but barely. 

Give me fire, hell, give me explosions. I don’t mind being burnt by the flames, I’d welcome it. I’ll learn to wipe the soot off my charred heart, my lungs will make friends with the perpetual smoke. 

Give me passion. I can do without the roses and the love songs. Give me something raw and real. Emotions and time and thoughtfulness and priority. Don’t treat me like a vase. I maybe broken but I’ve learnt to pick the shattered pieces on my own. 

Give me wounds. Cut me open with your touch and mark me with the depth of your need, let it seep through my bones. Don’t let me wonder about your feelings and what I mean to you. I’ve burdened my mind enough in the past. 

Give me your all. I’ve seen and tasted ordinary love for far too long. Life’s too short for lies, meaningless words, fake promises and half baked efforts. I’m done loving people in pieces.

Give me a forever love. If you’re coming for me, don’t hold back, give me everything or nothing at all. I fall quickly and I fall too hard but I love fiercely or I don’t love at all.