It’s knowing you’re hurting yourself but not stopping your path to self destruction
It’s your heart wanting to freely trust but your mind playing game of friction
It’s convincing yourself that being lonely is your salvation, to stay aloof is the only way to be
It’s all that hurt wrapped on your skin, blinding you from all the good that’s still left to see
But once in a while when the fog clears, I run free from the maze of doubts and fear
That windy night on your terrace is a stunning moment I will always hold dear
The sky, a beautiful mix of dark and rosy, showering a light drizzle on my cheeks
Your arm caressing my waist softly as I stare out in amaze is that one thing on sleepless nights I miss.
Darkness is comforting
Not because I’m an evil schemer
Or a genius murderer
Or an owl
But because, melancholy and nights belong together
When they unite for a brief while
There is a sense of calm in the air
Even though my gut feels anything but okay
And my mind is insane with worry
And thoughts won’t stop churning my head
I’m sad but relieved
They can’t see my tears
Or see me shake
Or hear my sighs
And I hope
I join my hands and pray
Maybe the sound of silence will be louder
The Moon will sing me a melody
The clouds will whisper sweet nothings
The stars will watch over me
All so it doesn’t hurt anymore
So your memories don’t feel like a bullet shot through my chest.
And suddenly it was crystal clear.
Why you chose her, and why you walked away, putting the entire blame on my shoulder.
I wished you’d been man enough to have courage and speak the truth.
We live in a world where we constantly talk about chivalry being dead and dead it is, for you never thought of taking the responsibility to share the blame of us falling apart. I bet the shopping bags you held for me are smirking at the irony.
I don’t envy her, I never did. I always thought she was way below the type of girl you deserved. You deserved me. Now I’m smirking at the irony.
I don’t blame her, I don’t blame you, I don’t even blame myself. You took the easy way out. How can I blame you for following a simple human nature?
We all want what is easy, and convenient.
She was there, raw, real, reachable.
I was sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting for a text that never back. How would it?
You were busy hugging human warmth that couldn’t have reached through my texts.
I forgive you. Following your heart and following your nature is hardly a sin.
It was too soon, it wasn’t soon enough.
We were too perfect and you imperfect for each other.
I forgive you.
And yet my tears are smirking in irony.
Your name crossed my mind
So I went back and listened to the songs
Songs that reminded me of you
They sounded like a beautiful mixture
Of hope and regret
But as the melody went on,
That the beauty of the music still remained
While your memories were slowly but surely fading.
When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?
Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?
All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.
Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.
Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.
Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.
Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.
You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.
The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.
So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.
Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.
Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.
Let. It. Go.
Three simple words. Are they really?
How do I let it go when you’re the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, the last one on my mind when I fall asleep and a million times in between?
How do I let it go when mind still craves our silly conversations, my heart still yearns for your goofy smile and my body longs to be touched by you?
How do I let it go when I’m perpetually daydreaming about what ifs and could bes, about what went wrong and why can’t it be salvaged?
How do I let it go when my mind is always restless, heart is always heavy and eyes always teary when I think of you?
How do I let it go when I know I won’t find another like you, shy, charming with that lopsided smile?
How do I let it go when you were never even mine to let go?
How do I let it go when I’m still in love with you and I know I meant absolutely nothing to you.
In times of melancholy, when my heart was in a state of despair and the lights in my room were perpetually dimmed, my soul didn’t know how to heal itself.
When feelings were bottled in, words were caged and tears were free flowing, no amount of positivity and motivation helped me silence the raging chaos in my mind.
But then you came in, a weird mix of sweet and funny and stupid and casual and my bruised heart is slowly healing.
You stayed when I was difficult, loved me when I was unlovable and I’m slowly but surely beginning to see the light.
Giving you a chance? It’s been difficult, worse than preparing for a war. I wanted to keep you out, couldn’t hurt you or let you hurt me in return.
I pushed and pulled and then some more. How have you still stayed? I hope you stay some more.
I’ve started smiling again, my heart doesn’t ache anymore. I’m feeling good, happier, my days aren’t melancholic, nights aren’t morose.
My thoughts were filled with false hope and longing but now all I can think of is you.
How did something so good come out of a train wreck?