Why Can’t I Make Them Stay?

  

  
You’re lonely.

 You’ve always been a lonely soul, drifting from place to place, person to person, trying to find love, acceptation, connection, warmth, non-judgement in this cold, shallow, empty world.

You’ve tried, haven’t you, to not fall in love with strangers who with their well-framed words and selfish needs managed to make you their puppet.

You’ve cried, haven’t you, endless nights when they chose to leave you, even after all you did was give give and give, and they sucked you dry of your care and selflessness.

You’ve caused yourself headaches, haven’t you, searching for reasons why it’s always you they chose to leave, to hurt, to be a monster with.

Now you have all this love to give, but no one to give it to, and these words they haunt you,
“WHAT DID I DO WRONG. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THEM STAY?”

Smirking In Irony

  

And suddenly it was crystal clear. 
Why you chose her, and why you walked away, putting the entire blame on my shoulder. 
I wished you’d been man enough to have courage and speak the truth. 

We live in a world where we constantly talk about chivalry being dead and dead it is, for you never thought of taking the responsibility to share the blame of us falling apart. I bet the shopping bags you held for me are smirking at the irony. 

I don’t envy her, I never did. I always thought she was way below the type of girl you deserved. You deserved me. Now I’m smirking at the irony. 

I don’t blame her, I don’t blame you, I don’t even blame myself. You took the easy way out. How can I blame you for following a simple human nature? 

We all want what is easy, and convenient. 

She was there, raw, real, reachable. 

I was sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting for a text that never back. How would it? 

You were busy hugging human warmth that couldn’t have reached through my texts. 

I forgive you. Following your heart and following your nature is hardly a sin. 

It was too soon, it wasn’t soon enough. 

We were too perfect and you imperfect for each other. 

I forgive you. 

I’m free. 
And yet my tears are smirking in irony. 

Something Good

  

In times of melancholy, when my heart was in a state of despair and the lights in my room were perpetually dimmed, my soul didn’t know how to heal itself. 

When feelings were bottled in, words were caged and tears were free flowing, no amount of positivity and motivation helped me silence the raging chaos in my mind. 

But then you came in, a weird mix of sweet and funny and stupid and casual and my bruised heart is slowly healing. 

You stayed when I was difficult, loved me when I was unlovable and I’m slowly but surely beginning to see the light. 

Giving you a chance? It’s been difficult, worse than preparing for a war. I wanted to keep you out, couldn’t hurt you or let you hurt me in return. 

I pushed and pulled and then some more. How have you still stayed? I hope you stay some more. 

I’ve started smiling again, my heart doesn’t ache anymore. I’m feeling good, happier, my days aren’t melancholic, nights aren’t morose. 

My thoughts were filled with false hope and longing but now all I can think of is you. 

How did something so good come out of a train wreck? 

Restless Nights

  

  

I’m restless, from missing you like I do. 

Days pass by easily, it’s the nighttime that I’m afraid of. 

For during nights, you plague my mind, unwelcomed, taking over my thoughts, uninvited. 

Times like these, I’m reminded of how lonely I am, lonely in a crowded room. 

The vision of you, of us, is still so clear, it’s a shame it will only be a dream now, I dare say, a nightmare perhaps? 

The fire in my heart from your presence has faded into wisps of smoke that’s choking me. 

You’re suffocating me with your memories even when you’ve gone far away. .

The Pickle Of Unhappiness

  

I have this heightened awareness of a feeling, a sort of premonition of how things are going to unfold before they actually do. 
I wish I was going to tell you about how I possess this supernatural power but, sigh, I’m only human and so, I’m only talking about plain old intuition here. 
Don’t you have this gut feeling that a relationship (be with a partner, parent, siblings or friends) is going down the road and once it’s reached a certain dead-end, there will be a point of no return? 
Can’t you feel it in your bones that things are not like they used to be? The truth is, despite wanting to give the benefit of the doubt and wanting to believe in the process of revival, things seldom do get back how they once were. They get back to ‘ as good as new’, but never the shiny new it used to be. 
If you deny having this intuition, I’d ask, how could you not see it coming? Can you not feel the difference in their embrace? Those eyes, they don’t shine like they used to anymore. Those lips, they barely have a hint of smile in your presence now. 
The thing is, when relationships are brand new, a lot of efforts are put in to make the other person happy, to adjust, to compromise and to constantly self-sacrifice. 
Then we start getting comfortable and the novelty starts to wear off. Efforts start to fade, assumptions take over, things are taken for granted and there it is, your pickle of unhappiness. 
Fights, frustration, disappointment, miscommunication will creep in, the toppings to your pickle. 
What an unhappy mess is left in the wake of a happy relationship just because we stopped putting in efforts.