It’s your decision to make…

It’s inevitable. Pain. 

You can’t expect to get through this life all smiles and sunshines. 

There’s going to be bruises, and hurt, and tears, and broken heart accompanied by an indescribable feeling that will tear through your chest in its own leisurely pace. 

But then, it’s upto you! To look at yourself in the mirror and cringe at the reflection looking back at you or to salute yourself for making it this far in a battlefield. It’s upto you to let the bruises haunt you or to proudly wear the scars like they’re pretty bows. It’s upto you to let the hurt define you or let the pain make you stronger. 

Each new day, remember why you breathe and give whole heartedly believe that it’s going to be alright. 

When the hurt fades just a little bit everyday, the sparkle in your eye will shine a little bit brighter. 

One day, one day you’ll breathe again without the air seeping through the pieces that seem calloused and cracked. 

Remember that it’s never too late. You can always pick yourself up, dust yourself up, shrug and call it a ‘life lesson’. 

It’s never a tragedy unless you decide to make yourself a victim.

Why Can’t I Make Them Stay?

  

  
You’re lonely.

 You’ve always been a lonely soul, drifting from place to place, person to person, trying to find love, acceptation, connection, warmth, non-judgement in this cold, shallow, empty world.

You’ve tried, haven’t you, to not fall in love with strangers who with their well-framed words and selfish needs managed to make you their puppet.

You’ve cried, haven’t you, endless nights when they chose to leave you, even after all you did was give give and give, and they sucked you dry of your care and selflessness.

You’ve caused yourself headaches, haven’t you, searching for reasons why it’s always you they chose to leave, to hurt, to be a monster with.

Now you have all this love to give, but no one to give it to, and these words they haunt you,
“WHAT DID I DO WRONG. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THEM STAY?”

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.

How Do I Let It Go?

  

Let. It. Go. 

Three simple words. Are they really? 

How do I let it go when you’re the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, the last one on my mind when I fall asleep and a million times in between? 

How do I let it go when mind still craves our silly conversations, my heart still yearns for your goofy smile and my body longs to be touched by you? 

How do I let it go when I’m perpetually daydreaming about what ifs and could bes, about what went wrong and why can’t it be salvaged? 

How do I let it go when my mind is always restless, heart is always heavy and eyes always teary when I think of you? 

How do I let it go when I know I won’t find another like you, shy, charming with that lopsided smile?  

How do I let it go when you were never even mine to let go? 

How do I let it go when I’m still in love with you and I know I meant absolutely nothing to you. 

Was it easy?

 
 Was it easy? 

Luring me in and then walking away? Like none of it mattered? Like I didn’t matter? Like the times we shared just faded into dust? I’ve never felt so broken and unlovable. 

Was it easy? 

Promising me the stars and then leaving me on a barren land to admire their beauty from afar, all alone, lonely and cold? I will never be able to love those stars again. 

Was it easy? 

Not fighting for me, putting the blame on my shoulders and then seeking solace in another’s arms soon after? The pain that shot through my chest is indescribable. 

Was it easy? 

Destroying my worth and ruining my sanity, sucking me off all my love, leaving me on the stone cold floor to lie in a heap of bones and tears? I will never be the same again. 

Unwarranted Change

 

There are two kinds of people.

 
One, who isolate themselves and completely shut off from the world when they’re feeling down. They don’t want to show their open wounds and tear streaked face to others because they know that people (even the ones to seem to love you and care for you) either wouldn’t be able to understand would judge them or even worse, pour salt on their wounds.

 
So they wallow in self pity, mind – a chaos, clothes – a mess, with red rimmed eyes, bed the only place of solace and music, the only source of minuscule comfort. They’re the kind who will desperately try to be strong in their moment of weakness.

 
They are the ones who cared more in a relationship and the ones who hurt more. They are the restless ones, the ones who feel they’re too damaged for love. Their life nothing but a lonely hollow existence, where the nights feel too long and days begin too soon.

 
I used to be this kind of person.

 

 
Then I changed and began to associate myself with people belonging to the second category.

 
When I was sad, I wanted to be with anyone but myself. I started abhorring my own company.

 
Even though I knew treacherous thoughts wouldn’t leave their shackles on my mind, I still wanted to lose myself in a room full of familiar faces.

 
Thus began my transformation.

 
A person who didn’t mind being on her own for days began changing into a person who constantly wanted human attention and conversation.

 
I started calling people more often, began mending fences with friends who I had fallen out with, sought mindless, random conversations from strangers on the internet, started reading more relationships quotes on Pinterest (that only depressed me further) and overshared on social media.

 
Uploading a selfie (and the constant stream of notification when somebody like my picture) was my version of vague human interaction to keep myself occupied.

 
I wondered if any of this was real or if my heart was really into talking to people. I realized it was just a ploy I had created to keep myself busy for I thought that being busy meant I wouldn’t think about the heart that was still aching and about the person who caused it to ache.
Can a person or a situation change you so much?