It’s that time of the year again…

But I made it, I made it though the most terrible time of my life and here I am. 
Alive. Breathing. Kicking. 
It’s been a year today. Past mistakes don’t feel like a burden anymore. I don’t cry thinking of the memories anymore. My heart doesn’t pain anymore. 
I’m happy. I smile. I laugh. 
I let go. 
Happy Diwali. 
May all the darkness in your life be replaced with light and your soul be infused with love and happiness. 

It’s your decision to make…

It’s inevitable. Pain. 

You can’t expect to get through this life all smiles and sunshines. 

There’s going to be bruises, and hurt, and tears, and broken heart accompanied by an indescribable feeling that will tear through your chest in its own leisurely pace. 

But then, it’s upto you! To look at yourself in the mirror and cringe at the reflection looking back at you or to salute yourself for making it this far in a battlefield. It’s upto you to let the bruises haunt you or to proudly wear the scars like they’re pretty bows. It’s upto you to let the hurt define you or let the pain make you stronger. 

Each new day, remember why you breathe and give whole heartedly believe that it’s going to be alright. 

When the hurt fades just a little bit everyday, the sparkle in your eye will shine a little bit brighter. 

One day, one day you’ll breathe again without the air seeping through the pieces that seem calloused and cracked. 

Remember that it’s never too late. You can always pick yourself up, dust yourself up, shrug and call it a ‘life lesson’. 

It’s never a tragedy unless you decide to make yourself a victim.

The Word ‘Different’

Different. More often than not, it is regarded as a negative connotation. Our society has a very different definition of the word ‘different’ than what it originated as. 
I’m not a stuck up person, my way of life is just different than yours. I’m not lazy, I just prioritise my tasks differently than you. I don’t care less, I just dedicate my time and emotions to people and things closest to my heart. I don’t not give a fuck, I just don’t give a fuck about you. 
Don’t hate on me for living my life differently than what you would consider ‘normal’ because, come on, normal is overrated and we’re living in god damn 21st century. You’d think after years of evolution, research, science and technology, human brain would at least be somewhat mature but not everyone has cared to evolve. What else would you call people who label others based on their race, income, political beliefs and their general way of life? 
I am different than you and you are different than me because guess what, God made us this way and if we’d all be like each other, this world would be a pretty boring place. (I’d be praying to an alien to come take me to Mars) 
People are often mocked and ridiculed because they simply don’t fit in the definition of ‘normal’ set by a bunch of other people.  They will say “how can you just not give a fuck!”. Well you got it wrong, there are plenty of fucks to give, just none to you. 
Being an introvert mostly comes with pitfalls. One doesn’t  mind being called shy but usually, the reality hits too far away from home. ‘Ignorant’, ‘Slow’, ‘Stuck Up’, ‘None Fucks To Give’ were always the words one is often associated with. 

Take me for an example. 
I’m an introvert. I’m different from you. I can’t always make small talks about the weather or dwell deep into the sea of spirituality. 
I like crowds just as much as I like keeping to myself. 
I like books, and tea, and music,  and sunsets. I like picnics on a sunny day with people who understand my silence. 
I’m not abnormal, I’m different, I’m just not like you. 

On Sleepless Nights

Sleepless Nights. 
It’s knowing you’re hurting yourself but not stopping your path to self destruction
It’s your heart wanting to freely trust but your mind playing game of friction
It’s convincing yourself that being lonely is your salvation, to stay aloof is the only way to be 
It’s all that hurt wrapped on your skin, blinding you from all the good that’s still left to see 
But once in a while when the fog clears, I run free from the maze of doubts and fear 
That windy night on your terrace is a stunning moment I will always hold dear
The sky, a beautiful mix of dark and rosy, showering a light drizzle on my cheeks 
Your arm caressing my waist softly as I stare out in amaze is that one thing on sleepless nights I miss. 

Untainted Moments

Serenity never felt so good

This fine Sunday evening 

On the dusty terrace

Lighting up a minty smoke

Listening to some mellow tunes 

With wind teasing my hair 

And watching the sunset sky slowly become one with the inky after hours

All alone

No hustle of the daily grind 

No bustle of unknown faces 

Mind finally at ease 

A content sigh on my lips 

I gave so much to people 

I forgot to take for myself 

A little piece of sanity 

A moment of alone time 

Tomorrow, the day will start with blues 

Tomorrow, I will chase the deadlines 

But this instant is untainted 

These picturesque glances are all mine.  

Why Can’t I Make Them Stay?

  

  
You’re lonely.

 You’ve always been a lonely soul, drifting from place to place, person to person, trying to find love, acceptation, connection, warmth, non-judgement in this cold, shallow, empty world.

You’ve tried, haven’t you, to not fall in love with strangers who with their well-framed words and selfish needs managed to make you their puppet.

You’ve cried, haven’t you, endless nights when they chose to leave you, even after all you did was give give and give, and they sucked you dry of your care and selflessness.

You’ve caused yourself headaches, haven’t you, searching for reasons why it’s always you they chose to leave, to hurt, to be a monster with.

Now you have all this love to give, but no one to give it to, and these words they haunt you,
“WHAT DID I DO WRONG. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THEM STAY?”

Solace of the Dark

  
Darkness is comforting
Not because I’m an evil schemer
Or a genius murderer 
Or an owl
But because, melancholy and nights belong together 
When they unite for a brief while
There is a sense of calm in the air 
Even though my gut feels anything but okay 
And my mind is insane with worry 
And thoughts won’t stop churning my head 
I’m sad but relieved 
They can’t see my tears 
Or see me shake 
Or hear my sighs 
And I hope 
I join my hands and pray 
Maybe the sound of silence will be louder 
The Moon will sing me a melody 
The clouds will whisper sweet nothings 
The stars will watch over me 
All so it doesn’t hurt anymore 
So your memories don’t feel like a bullet shot through my chest. 

Smirking In Irony

  

And suddenly it was crystal clear. 
Why you chose her, and why you walked away, putting the entire blame on my shoulder. 
I wished you’d been man enough to have courage and speak the truth. 

We live in a world where we constantly talk about chivalry being dead and dead it is, for you never thought of taking the responsibility to share the blame of us falling apart. I bet the shopping bags you held for me are smirking at the irony. 

I don’t envy her, I never did. I always thought she was way below the type of girl you deserved. You deserved me. Now I’m smirking at the irony. 

I don’t blame her, I don’t blame you, I don’t even blame myself. You took the easy way out. How can I blame you for following a simple human nature? 

We all want what is easy, and convenient. 

She was there, raw, real, reachable. 

I was sitting at home, thousands of miles away, waiting for a text that never back. How would it? 

You were busy hugging human warmth that couldn’t have reached through my texts. 

I forgive you. Following your heart and following your nature is hardly a sin. 

It was too soon, it wasn’t soon enough. 

We were too perfect and you imperfect for each other. 

I forgive you. 

I’m free. 
And yet my tears are smirking in irony. 

Of hope and regret

  

  
I was doing fine 

But today 

Your name crossed my mind

So I went back and listened to the songs

Songs that reminded me of you

They sounded like a beautiful mixture 
Of hope and regret 

But as the melody went on, 

I realised 
That the beauty of the music still remained 
While your memories were slowly but surely fading. 
 ✨🍀

LOVING AND LOSING: A PERSPECTIVE

 

 

When a person leaves your life, willingly or unwillingly, what would the normal human reaction be?

 

Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Betrayal?

 

All of the above. All of them at once or maybe one by one, in phases.

 

Life is a series of change. We are all moving, changing and others are too.

 

Sometimes people come in your life, to not be a definite part of your future but to make you happy, teach you important life lessons and point out things which you hadn’t really focused on before.

 

Yeah you might miss them, and pine for them and long for them but once their part in your life is over, they aren’t going to return, even if you pray on the falling stars, drop a million coins in wishing wells or make a wish on 11.11 days after days and nights after nights.

 

Your paths crossed for a little while, destinies aligned for a few days, months, years, but that’s all. Not every relationship is meant to last or transform into something beautiful.

 

 

You’ll learn this the hard way. You’ll learn it when the person leaves and there’s not much you can do but wait and wish and long for their return.

 

The waiting will teach you that patience and time will surely and slowly heal the cracks, the tears will cleanse your soul and teach you that it’s okay to fall apart for things or people you cherish and wishing will teach you the difference between hoping and expecting and maybe help you form a tighter bond with your creator.

 

So give yourself time. Lots of time. It may take a few months or a couple of years but it’s going to be okay.

 

Move on because you’re still breathing and your heart still beats with a purpose to fulfill. Start living your life and cherishing people still around you.

 

Don’t forget to be grateful for people who chose to enter and leave your life. Deep inside you know you wouldn’t have traded those moments for anything else.