But I made it, I made it though the most terrible time of my life and here I am.
Alive. Breathing. Kicking.
It’s been a year today. Past mistakes don’t feel like a burden anymore. I don’t cry thinking of the memories anymore. My heart doesn’t pain anymore.
I’m happy. I smile. I laugh.
I let go.
May all the darkness in your life be replaced with light and your soul be infused with love and happiness.
You can’t expect to get through this life all smiles and sunshines.
There’s going to be bruises, and hurt, and tears, and broken heart accompanied by an indescribable feeling that will tear through your chest in its own leisurely pace.
But then, it’s upto you! To look at yourself in the mirror and cringe at the reflection looking back at you or to salute yourself for making it this far in a battlefield. It’s upto you to let the bruises haunt you or to proudly wear the scars like they’re pretty bows. It’s upto you to let the hurt define you or let the pain make you stronger.
Each new day, remember why you breathe and give whole heartedly believe that it’s going to be alright.
When the hurt fades just a little bit everyday, the sparkle in your eye will shine a little bit brighter.
One day, one day you’ll breathe again without the air seeping through the pieces that seem calloused and cracked.
Remember that it’s never too late. You can always pick yourself up, dust yourself up, shrug and call it a ‘life lesson’.
It’s never a tragedy unless you decide to make yourself a victim.
Different. More often than not, it is regarded as a negative connotation. Our society has a very different definition of the word ‘different’ than what it originated as.
I’m not a stuck up person, my way of life is just different than yours. I’m not lazy, I just prioritise my tasks differently than you. I don’t care less, I just dedicate my time and emotions to people and things closest to my heart. I don’t not give a fuck, I just don’t give a fuck about you.
Don’t hate on me for living my life differently than what you would consider ‘normal’ because, come on, normal is overrated and we’re living in god damn 21st century. You’d think after years of evolution, research, science and technology, human brain would at least be somewhat mature but not everyone has cared to evolve. What else would you call people who label others based on their race, income, political beliefs and their general way of life?
I am different than you and you are different than me because guess what, God made us this way and if we’d all be like each other, this world would be a pretty boring place. (I’d be praying to an alien to come take me to Mars)
People are often mocked and ridiculed because they simply don’t fit in the definition of ‘normal’ set by a bunch of other people. They will say “how can you just not give a fuck!”. Well you got it wrong, there are plenty of fucks to give, just none to you.
Being an introvert mostly comes with pitfalls. One doesn’t mind being called shy but usually, the reality hits too far away from home. ‘Ignorant’, ‘Slow’, ‘Stuck Up’, ‘None Fucks To Give’ were always the words one is often associated with.
Take me for an example.
I’m an introvert. I’m different from you. I can’t always make small talks about the weather or dwell deep into the sea of spirituality.
I like crowds just as much as I like keeping to myself.
I like books, and tea, and music, and sunsets. I like picnics on a sunny day with people who understand my silence.
I’m not abnormal, I’m different, I’m just not like you.
It’s knowing you’re hurting yourself but not stopping your path to self destruction
It’s your heart wanting to freely trust but your mind playing game of friction
It’s convincing yourself that being lonely is your salvation, to stay aloof is the only way to be
It’s all that hurt wrapped on your skin, blinding you from all the good that’s still left to see
But once in a while when the fog clears, I run free from the maze of doubts and fear
That windy night on your terrace is a stunning moment I will always hold dear
The sky, a beautiful mix of dark and rosy, showering a light drizzle on my cheeks
Your arm caressing my waist softly as I stare out in amaze is that one thing on sleepless nights I miss.
Serenity never felt so good
This fine Sunday evening
On the dusty terrace
Lighting up a minty smoke
Listening to some mellow tunes
With wind teasing my hair
And watching the sunset sky slowly become one with the inky after hours
No hustle of the daily grind
No bustle of unknown faces
Mind finally at ease
A content sigh on my lips
I gave so much to people
I forgot to take for myself
A little piece of sanity
A moment of alone time
Tomorrow, the day will start with blues
Tomorrow, I will chase the deadlines
But this instant is untainted
These picturesque glances are all mine.
You’ve always been a lonely soul, drifting from place to place, person to person, trying to find love, acceptation, connection, warmth, non-judgement in this cold, shallow, empty world.
You’ve tried, haven’t you, to not fall in love with strangers who with their well-framed words and selfish needs managed to make you their puppet.
You’ve cried, haven’t you, endless nights when they chose to leave you, even after all you did was give give and give, and they sucked you dry of your care and selflessness.
You’ve caused yourself headaches, haven’t you, searching for reasons why it’s always you they chose to leave, to hurt, to be a monster with.
Now you have all this love to give, but no one to give it to, and these words they haunt you,
“WHAT DID I DO WRONG. WHY CAN’T I MAKE THEM STAY?”
Darkness is comforting
Not because I’m an evil schemer
Or a genius murderer
Or an owl
But because, melancholy and nights belong together
When they unite for a brief while
There is a sense of calm in the air
Even though my gut feels anything but okay
And my mind is insane with worry
And thoughts won’t stop churning my head
I’m sad but relieved
They can’t see my tears
Or see me shake
Or hear my sighs
And I hope
I join my hands and pray
Maybe the sound of silence will be louder
The Moon will sing me a melody
The clouds will whisper sweet nothings
The stars will watch over me
All so it doesn’t hurt anymore
So your memories don’t feel like a bullet shot through my chest.